First Cuts

Here are some of my first carvings. (1. Santa 2. Pair of Boots and then skipping some for the sake of download time High Five, LT - Dan and a first nativity carving. More to follow, perhaps.

summers' day on a swinging bench

Sitting silently. Straining to hear God. 

Straining to hear God. Straining to hear God. 

Stormy breeze carries all thoughts away

Born onto the tireless winds

The breath of God brushing the earth

Moving the great oak and the lowly weed alike 

Sweet life stings my nostrils 

Conveyed by that tireless breath 

As the mere allusion of rain cools the scorched earth  

the newness

     As I spend another day sitting on the couch I find myself longing. Longing for relationship. For human contact...for a mentor...for a friend and, seeming to affect them all, longing for a job. The lack of employment has so many ways of attacking the ideas that I've held about survival in the north american adult sense, and I am not talking keeping up with the jones' survival of the suburban tales; but the meeting of those pesky obligations that come with the reality of needs. The couch has become an unwelcome place as it evolved into the office space. It's green scratchy fabric grating everything, annoying the thought processes I once took for granted. The white noise of the television finds itself noisily pushing out all meaningful thought. Wrestling with the questions of life what can I do, when will I find a job, a community, even a friend and on to eternity... 

     I underestimated the loss of the community that was so vital in the development of my faith as an adult. That loss has gone much deeper than I would have guessed possible not so long ago.

Those people that changed me and left their tattoos on my heart have permanently affected my ability to be the loner (a thing God worked on for so many years and through many relationships). But in this new place finding myself twiddling much of the day alone on that amazing couch I fully feel the depth of the loss of community. Maybe this place of pondering and consideration is exactly where I need to be, but I am having difficulty coming to grips with that. I know that I should take joy in all situations but the gap from the knowing of ideas and the implementation of these same ideas seems too large some days. I am left with only questions, and questions it seems will be my reality. I suppose I only hope that I find truth and grace and God through all these things... wherever they may lead

25 Things

As much as I cringe at the typical "mass anything" here goes (the 25 things do not appear in order of importance they just find themselves where they do)

1. I am constantly amazed by how much God has done to redeem me through DCF, my struggles and my relationships 
2. I am in love with an amazing woman and cannot wait to start the next chapter of life together, where ever that may be 
3. I am now practicing woodcarving and loving every minute of it (I have carved a Santa ornament, two boots and a cylinder) 
4. I cannot stand the process of waking up. Although I do love to be awake... at least most days
5. I miss backpacking in the Colorado Rockies, during the summer 
6. (refer to #1) I still find myself grappling with God and my faith, though I can look back and see His movements and the good that has come of them so many times. Why... I do not know
7. I have been through 4 or 5 (it depends on who's counting) majors in undergrad each one of them helped me to define a little better what I am truly passionate about in work. People and God's creation or creating
8. I struggle with the people part of my passions because I do not understand why so many of the things people do are done to make themselves look better and other less significant (I also realize that I am just as culpable) 
9. I like reading and writing but I have always disliked English classes
10. I enjoy my Student Affairs masters program though many people have no clue what is actually is (I can stand, and actually most days, enjoy going to class at night and for three hours, which is saying a lot)
11. No I am not going to explain it in this note
12. February 7th is bad day for me (I have now been to the emergency room the past two, please hold your laughter for 3-4 weeks)
13. February 8th is an amazing day (My first date with Emily)
14. I enjoy an engaging story because I think that stories carry the lessons that many miss in the daily struggles 
15. I like creating through picture, wood or word. 
16. I had always feared becoming unable to do things for myself and God has spent the past two years dealing with that
17. I love the smell of firewood in the cold winter nights and the smell of spring 
18. It has always amazed me that time could go by so fast while still appearing to stand still
19. I enjoy learning though, until grad school, I greatly disliked school
20. I cannot stand television, unless it is a social event, though I like scrubs and several other series on dvd
21. My creative cycles go in stages usually corresponding to the amount of free time I have to sit and think
22. I have eclectic musical tastes for three reasons: 1.It is musically sound 2. It is lyrically sound 3. The rare event that both occur (#3 tends to be the cd that will be in my player for weeks or months at a time)
23. I prefer to cook over eating out though I enjoy cooking much more with someone
24. I like going to a coffee shop or coffee shop show to sit down, people watch, reach or study 
25. It is inevitable that as soon as I send this note I will think of many new things that I will then like more than those things mentioned in this note

all for the sake of the "new"

At this point I am relatively certain that I remain the only person to read my own blog, which at one point bothered me but then I realized who really cares! I enjoy the chance to chronicle my thoughts and feelings where ever the nearest internet cafe or wired computer takes me and this I like. As I sit in my office and watch the gale force gusts manhandle everything it touches I find myself praying that I do not allow the things of this world to change me; that I find my source and stronghold in the Father, the Son and the Spirit when the gusts threaten to blow me into the abyss.
For the sake of the "new" I will (f0r the first time in my life) make some revolutions as one A. Sawyer has said:

-Get married May 25, 2009
-Lead Emily closer to our source and stronghold
-Spend 3 hours each week creating (writing, sketching, taking pictures or carving -mostly)
-Strike a balance between school/ work and the rest of my life
-Be finished with this last and most devastating injury and all of its ramifications
-Find an amazing job in Milwaukee that supports Em and I, acts as an Internship, and allows me to take some classes to finish school earlier
That is all... for the time being